The Quoting Catholic

Quoting the Bible, Prayers, Saints, and Other Notable Catholics

15 Comments

“If I fail people, give me the courage to ask pardon.If the people fail me, give me the courage to forgive. Lord, if I forget You, don’t forget me.”

—Excerpt from Prayer of St. Alberto Cruchaga, S.J

Author: Claudia

Hi!! My name is Claudia. Blogging is sort of a creative/therapeutic activity for me. I blog about being a wife, mother, student, caseworker, and simply being human through photography, words, music, and blog challenges. Mental illness has also been part of my life, so you'll sometimes find mental health and psychology in my posts. I've dealt with anxiety and depression most of my life. And my husband has bipolar disorder. My hope is that I may show readers that it is possible for people to live positive, productive lives despite mental illness, challenges, or frustrations.

15 thoughts on “

  1. It doesn’t matter either way. People can say they forgive, but only do so to please Christ. Deep down, they don’t really and would not be seen dead near the likes of me. I would, on the other hand, my left hand, rather be dead anyway, so we all get our way in the end.

    Most Catholics i’ve met online are full of it and most are plaster saints. Worse till, they have the arrogance to believe what they say and do is sacrosanct and somehow blessed.

    I’m done for and have nothing to lose, nor gain in what i say and do. I only hope for a swift end and if there is a hell, then i;d rather be there than with those plaster saints.

    For my sins , the stain will always remain and i would assure you that you too would steer clear, if i told you them. Thankfully i stopped them a number of yrs ago now, but the stain would never leave, no matter how much i try to scratch at it and rub bit away, it would only return to haunt me through memories and thoughts that still try to torment me. Church confession would not make it go away and the people within the church would still shun me anyway, including the priest and diocese.

    There’s no one there, only people who believe through fear of nothingness. I did not help myself when i conversed with them…I swore at them, delved into their true, uncaring side, let out frustration through my own fears..I feared believing would be of greater torment when i had to confront everyday sins when being mortal and subject to repetition of those sins. I also saw them for who they were too. A bunch of fakes, most anyway. They, even if they tell me to go church, to go meet others, would never in their right minds want to ever really know me. Pushed from pillar to post, just so as they can be rid of me, yet keep their consciences intact, not welcome me themselves…. they don’t mind if i am thrown into someone else’s arms. As long as it wasn’t them, or anyone they knew personally, for that matter too.

    You gonna pray for me, like they do, maybe? Well that may help you, help you feel good about yourself, as i felt the same way too when i tried praying many months ago. In many ways, praying is a way out, a way of avoiding creatures like myself whilst at the same time believing you are doing good. Keep a distance and i will do so too, remain in seclusion until i lose my mum, or she loses me. That way we all all win.

    As i told others, it is too late for me… He, the other one you lot also believe in? “has sifted me as wheat”.

    Bye

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  2. Thanks for hearing me out and being what i expected. Would have been a surprise to see anything other than, i guess.

    Ciao!

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    • There’s always hope for all of us. I truly believe that. And those aren’t just words. I mean it.

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      • Do you know why i replied so quickly? Because i’m almost always online and in my room and have been, apart from a handful or a little more times, since around 2008 when i came out of hospital. I have only 2 or tabs open usually when i wake. My emails , MSNBC, although i’m not from the US and sometimes other things.

        I shouldn’t be here. I’m just waiting for my aged parents to go, that’s if i don’t go before them. Thee only way out would be to one day try harming myself again. Saying it isn’t enough, is it? People assume you don’t really wanna do it and mock you for being too weak, when you fail at it. It’s just fear, like when i tried before in some way. I was swallowing them all down with coke. or beer. or whiskey, depending on the time i tried. But all the time i was afraid and knew the risks. I failed throughout my life and failed at ending it too….. but maybe one day.

        I don’t see God anywhere. I only see great regret on my behalf. I only see suffering on the news and people forgotten. In a week, what happened in Italy will almost be forgotten, except for the loved ones and friends of those lost. Look at Syria too. All those being dead and still dying and it’s as though we all become desensitised to it. All those people needing help wouldn’t want me helping them and they would ask God why they suffer while i do not.

        I want blame and rant at all of you because i envy you while at the same time i see you all as being cruel for bring life into a world you know will bring suffering. But the truth hurts and it is mostly envy on my part. If i were anything life you lot, i’d do exactly as you all do, what most “seemingly normal” people do.

        I’m so boring, look all that i have written.

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  3. Sorry about any typos, bad grammar and punctuation. I’m not a smart person at all.

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    • No problem. You wrote a lot in one sitting. By the way, I’m at work, so my responses will not be as quick as yours. And I’m an introvert, so it also takes me a while to process my responses.

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  4. Oh gosh, i made some bad typos there. I’m blurry-eyed, tearful and i was writing too fast😦 I’m crap at everything😦

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    • I doubt you’re crap at everything.

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      • Well i have no qualifications of any kind. Can’t think of any redeeming qualities, not that redemption is needed much any more when it is too late and the devil, if he is real, has me already. Maybe i should look to Satanists as friends, but i;d most likely pee them off too, as i have done others.

        No doctors. I pretty much dislike them, more so the psychiatric kind through my experience in a hospital on and off, through the yrs. You see? There is nothing that they could do. or say that would change me. I thought it unfair that they sectioned me under the health act, but that was long ago anyway. Drugs would not alter my shame and self-hate either. Maybe something really potent like heroin might help me forget, but never tried it. You know, i was reading your profile and thought to myself, that after i’d written all the stuff i had, you might mention doctors and the such, but you beat me to it before i could warn you i disliked them, huh, i should have been quicker!

        Maybe a doctor of the church would help me, what would you say?.. How about St Therese of Lisieux? If she showered my room with roses, then i might believe and run straight to the confessional box in a flash.

        Don’t you ever doubt and see only dread as i do? and even if you avoid all that, avoid illness and disease, ageing is not nice either, I feel ugly as it is and always have done , so growing older is nothing to look forward to for me, anyway.

        I may not behave as some might wish me to, but i’ll be 50 soon. I have nothing to show for it. I was not meant to be here. You might want to scold me for saying this, but if there is a God, He made a mistake bringing me here.

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  5. Seems like you’re depressed. Do you see a doctor or therapist?

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  6. Hey, maybe you could kill me with kindness. Others have tried and failed though. Seems the devil you believe really has enveloped me with his brand of love. If you succeed we sned the rsults to the

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  7. I think i’m done now. I could write so many things, most of would be how i needed real friends. I tested them and you may think i was wrong to do so, but i knew they would fail me as much as i would them. I think if you’re a psychologist you must have some idea what i mean when i make vague reference to my sins and how you’d run as they did, or most of them anyway.

    If you ask someone directly , a Christian , “Be my friend” it’s as though you’ve asked them to jump off a cliff with you. (not that some of them weren’t worthy enough to jump off with me)

    If people wanna avoid me, then i’ll remain as and where i am. I should pity the rest of you and the lives you have chosen, even if i do envy you. You’ll have to witness a lot of heartache through your lives. If you ever doubt as i do, you might find yourself in the same abyss. When i couldn’t find God/Jesus, not even through Our Lady, i looked to what i thought was real, his followers. But even they rejected me, as your lord has done.

    I looked briefly online at something called “Predestination” once and maybe, just maybe i am and was never destined for happiness as you lot have it. One of the Catholics i knew told me it was a heresy and not of the Catholic church to focus on such things as predestination because it was Protestant. Can i predetermine that you and others like you will be the same as those others, or would i be generalising?

    It’s quite easy to find out out if you can really find friends online. Much easier than facing them. Just a series of questions , revealing your sins and then it’s goodbye. They reply with the same BS. they’ll pray for me, whilst sending me to the valley of Lepers to be forever forgotten.

    Do I sound harsh? too judgemental? I have to make sure, you see? Once all is said and done and known about said people, i can then crawl back into my shell and hole.

    I could go on, but there’s no point. I would only end up being disappointed and i’d end up driving you into a psychiatric unit perhaps, where you’d be put into a straitjacket alongside Ann Coulter, now that would would be torture, right? if i asked you the same, for friendship in the real sense, as i did them, i’d most probably receive silence, or excuses. Most people are the same. If my words seem harsh, then ask for the test too. Other than that, all i can say is sorry for doing the wrongs i did.

    This is all😦

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  8. I just got an email from Sr. Anna today. She said that even if i doubt, it was ok to pray. She prays for me often. She’s a good person, right? 😦

    I find her to be more caring than others and that and it is painful that i defy her so many times:(

    It’s a struggle though. There’s something inside of me always wants to fight what what is good, or possibly good, even if it is a tiny part of me😦

    Look, you can delete this stuff i’ve written if it spoils your nice blog.

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    • Listen to Sr. Anne. I want to let you know I am not a psychologist. I did get my masters in psychology this year, but I am not licensed. Here in the U.S. you need a doctorate to be a psychologist. So I think I would do more damage than good by giving advise or counseling. Please get help if you are depressed. Depression has a way of putting a negative bent on everything when than negativity is not the entire truth of the reality. I pray, exercise, go to my psychiatrist, and take my medication to keep that negative bent at bay. I also have my husband and son I love and I am committed to. Anyway, I say all this as a fellow human and not as a psychologist which I am not. Take care of yourself. Don’t lose hope. Here’s a quote that reminds me:

      “Because I remember, I despair. Because I remember, I have the duty to reject despair.”

      – Elie Wiesel

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